3 ways to spice up your relationships

Alone_Time

You know that feeling when someone you’re in relationship with doesn’t give you what you want?

Pretty disheartening…

Like there’s a cold, concrete wall separating you two.

I mean, how many of us haven’t felt that emptiness which yearns to be soothed + reassured with 3 powerful words – “I love you.”

And… that neediness often pops right up when our partner wants alone time:

“You don’t love me.  If you loved me, you wouldn’t want to be alone.”

But what’s really going on in this relationship?

Why does one partner want to be alone?

I made a video for you about that. (below).

In the video, I explain how some introversion can be healthy.

By “introversion” I mean: spending quiet time with self. Being a bit introspective.

I don’t mean: hiding from people, or being quiet because of insecurity. 

Like:

“I’m afraid I’ll sound stupid if I say what I think.”

“I’m afraid people won’t find me interesting if I talk.”

Whenever behavior is driven by fear, that’s not a good thing.

But… striking a balance between extroverted (outgoing) behavior, + recharging with introverted (alone) time – that can be a good thing.

Aside from that, why would a partner want to be alone?

There could be many reasons, like:

The other partner’s personality could be a factor– sometimes it gets tiring to listen to the same rhetoric (broken record), every day.

Makes sense. If we’re enjoying our partner, we probably won’t want much alone time.

But… if that person is say, a nag – then YES, we’d rather not stick around.

If you’re nodding your head, no problem.

Keep reading.

Here are 3 essentials (also covered on the video) to spice up your relationships.

1.   Avoid the broken record syndrome.

(Do you express your desires to your partner, over + over? If yes, try a different approach).

2.   When your partner comes into the room, stop what you’re doing. Hug time.

(prioritizing your partner can energize your relationship).

3.   Respect your partner’s right to choose his/her behavior.

(it’s ok not to like everything your partner does, but respect keeps love alive).

xo.

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In an earlier vlog I shared how much fun it was to do the column at Hawaii Reporter + why I put that terrific project to rest.

Click here + to view that earlier vlog.

PS: Do you enjoy alone time?

ENJOY THE COMMENTS BELOW OR ADD YOURS

10 Comments
  1. When I first dated by now Husband, he would always stop what he was doing when I came into the room. Now he doesn’t. I’ve talked to him about it, and he says he’s busy and I should understand. Anything I can do?

    • Hi Sheryl:

      Sounds like your then-boyfriend was on his best behavior during those courting days. Try to have a chat with him. It could go something like this:

      “I do understand how busy you are, and I appreciate everything you do for our family. But I’d like you to understand that our relationship needs attention and care as well.

      Just a simple gesture like stopping what you’re doing when I come into the room, would mean so much.

      Would you give it a try?”

  2. Don’t mean to sound sexist, but usually it’s the woman who’s the nag. I have to admit I’m the nag. My wife just won’t listen. Thinks I’m never satisfied. I don’t think I’m asking too much.

    • Hi Tony:

      Sounds like “knowing when to quit” is in order. “make” your wife listen. Tip No. 3 could be a life-saver.

  3. My husband likes his alone time. I don’t have a problem with it. I find comfort in just knowing he is nearby.

  4. I like it when my husband is home, but when he travels I find it’s like I’m on a vacation myself. All of a sudden I only have to think of myself and what I want to do!

    The next time my husband goes out of town a friend is going to come over and we’re going to watch a favorite movie and then camp on my deck.

  5. Hi Lorna: Sounds like you have a healthy balance of “I love being with you” time, and “I love being with me” time. Enjoy!

  6. One of my favorite movie lines is from a film that was released in 1963: “You should really learn to LIKE [or LOVE] yourself, because you’re going to be spending a lot of time with you.”

    It took a long, long time, but I finally learned that although, I am a couch-POTATO, I YAM a FUNGI. KALE, for a human-BEAN, I’m a BUTTER-BEAN than I thought.

  7. Hi Ron: I love that line from the movie. So true.

    Your play on words is fun, especially the “FUNGI” part! :)

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