Love, Always

Relationship missing that spark? 3 ways to re-ignite the flame … and have a verrry fun night!


Feel like your relationship is missing that … spark?

There are so many factors that can put a damper on sex, intimacy and affection between partners.

Sometimes, the absence of sex (and sexy, sparkly, I-want-you feelings) can be traced directly back to unresolved anger and resentment. (Like: He cheated five years ago, and she’s still not over it. Or: She’s been giving him the “silent treatment” for weeks, and he feels rejected.)

Other times, a “grudge” isn’t to blame. The lack of sex + sexual desire is simply a matter of conflicting schedules, big life transitions (like a new baby in the picture), or plain old boredom!

Every couple is different and every “spark” needs to be re-ignited in a slightly different way.

But if you and your partner are willing to experiment and play …

Here are 3 ways to start rekindling those tingly, sexy feelings.

Grab your partner, choose whichever options feel the most intriguing … and see what happens!

1. Make an “I love when you…” list.

If you only choose ONE thing to try, make it this one.

Over the course of one day, make a list of everything your partner does that makes you happy + turns you on … even just a tiny bit.

“I love when you greet me at the door when I come home from work…”

“I love when you stand behind me and give me a hug when I’m washing the dishes…”

“I love when you tell me I look beautiful when I’m putting on my work clothes and getting ready to leave for the day…”

Keep building your lists, all day long, even when you’re apart, and then at the end of the day, sit close together and read both of your lists out loud.

2. Say “I’m glad that you’re here.”

… with your words AND your actions.

For one day, try to say to your partner, “Hey, I’m glad that you’re here” at least three times.

You can say the words, and / or express yourself through touch — a little squeeze or a gentle kiss on the cheek.

Keep expressing your appreciation. Make it clear that you don’t take your partner’s presence for granted.

3. Make an “It would be amazing if…” list.

Over the course of one day, make a list of everything that you’d LOVE your partner to try doing … or do more of.

Think of it like an “ultimate fantasy list.”

“It would be amazing if I came home from work, and you were waiting in bed. Naked…”

“It would be amazing if you called me at 5 pm to say, ‘meet me outside’. And then swept me away for a romantic date night…”

“It would be amazing if you woke me up with a foot massage, and brought me breakfast in bed…”

Keep building your lists, all day long, even when you’re apart, and then at the end of the day, sit close together and read both of your lists out loud.

Extra credit: choose one fantasy scenario, each … and DO them!

OK, I know I said “3 ways,” but I’ve got to include just one more …

4. Try a day of “no sex.”

It may seem counter-intuitive, but try blocking out a whole day where you’re not “allowed” to have sex. (Ideally, this would be a day when you’re both not working.)

Kissing is fine. Foreplay is fair game. But no intercourse.

Build tension and excitement like teenagers … perhaps like you did back when you were first dating.

Send each other sexy texts all day long … building even more anticipation for your big “reunion”!

Set a special time (say, 9 pm) when you’re “allowed” to have sex again.

Haaaave fun, you two! :)


PS. This blog post is a sneak peek at my brand new digital guidebook:

The Life Guide On How To Rekindle That Spark — And Create The Relationship + Sex Life That You Want.

This Life Guide is available as of TODAY. Yay!


PPS. Have you and your partner ever fallen into a not-so-sexy slump? What’s YOUR favorite way to rekindle the spark? If you’re comfortable sharing your go-to move … drop a note in the comments down below!

  1. We tried the “I love when you” list. Wow, incredible what we learned about each other. Mostly that we need to express more of what we want. Thank you x 100!

    • Hi Jill: Hooray for clear, healthy communication! So glad the love list brought more love into your life. :)

  2. Just what me and my wife need. Some healthy, common-sense guidelines to get back on track. Now if I can only convince her to come on board. Thanks for giving me some ideas.

    • Hi Bob: You’re welcome. Enthusiasm can be contagious. If you’re excited about the guidelines, let it show… let it radiate from deep in your heart. That’s far better than trying to push, persuade or urge.

  3. A whole day without sex, plus lots of sexy texts. I could go for that but my partner might get mad— “What! No sex!”

    • Hi Teri: If your partner gets mad, sounds like they have a thing or two to learn — about managing their anger and that, “a whole day without sex, plus lots of sexy texts” could be just what you need to reignite the spark in your relationship.

  4. BEST night of my life, after reading this post. BIG thank you!

  5. These suggestions are so doable but somehow never came into my mind as things to try when the dry spell hit. Now we remember why we chose each other as life time partners. We both are very grateful to you and your blog.

  6. My wife told me she lost feelings for me December 2013. The other day she told me that there’s no spark in our life. I want to create a spark we been together 30 years have been married for 23 of them. I don’t want to lose her. I love her so much she just doesn’t love me right now. I created a list called it would be nice if Pete did this. I asked her to make that list I hope she does. Thanks for the pointers I’m still in love with my wife and I want her to love me back.